what can i say? i feel compelled to honor Lenny Bruce. in June 1965 i graduated from Lane Tech & was headed to Loop City College that fall. my mother, an immigrant single parent had very little resources & 6 kids to take care of. we knew nothing about higher education. that summer i had my first steady job & saw a copy of Lenny’s How to talk dirty & influence people and another of his comedy routines. they were a revelation. of course, by this point he was never on tv. he passed away the following year at the age of 41. perhaps the M-dixos are my way of following in his footsteps…though i never stepped on a comedy stage. thank you Lenny.
my usual warning: don’t continue to read if you’re offended by verbal humor. i try not to censor these. very few contain what folks call scatological or puerile elements. they do reflect my own cynical, sarcastic bent of humor.
What should be is a dirty lie!!! –Lenny Bruce
a truly eeeevil person tells the truth as though it were a lie.
i thought she was dead…Why doesn’t anybody stay dead?
The balloon exploded like a small child’s head..and all the bad men laughed.
Little children should be beaten, then eaten.
Never be rude to anyone, unintentionally. -Oscar Wilde
Pilate to Jesus and his doce disciples…also good for any group of young males in an auto: I guess it wouldn’t do any GOOD to ask you guys: WHERE ARE THE GIRLS???
N….ers in the hands of an angry White god. –that old time religion. Jonathan Edwards- puritan preacher man
Is the god of the slave trader/ slave owner/ slave patrol the same as the god of the slave? -brother Obama couldn’t run away fast enough…had to please massa.
No matter where you…there you are. can’t get away from yourself. it must be frightening. –thanx to Severn Darden. been looking for his 2nd City Philosophy LP.
A belief may be a necessary condition of life and yet be false. -FW Nietzche
Let’s re write Genesis, Why don’t we? GdL: Wouldn’t be the first time.
All the cops are criminals and all the gangster’s saints. -Sympathy for the Devil (the Rolling Stones)
Either the devil spoke to me or it was a snake that just ate a cow who spoke to me. -Talking Fat Vaca Cow Clown love?
You catch more bears with honey than with vinegar. GdL: why would you want to catch a live effen bear? oh, i’m sorry…you said flies…again, why the eff w’d you wanna catch flies? it’s a metaphor?
Do you have children? GdL: Of course, I had them but I sold them. To whom? GdL: somebody now worse off than me.
I’m not a real Mexican (you know) I’m in it for the grease.
Perhaps I’m not a real Mexican…I’m in it for the grease…perhaps that makes me a real Mexican?
Pendejo…pen-effen-dejo. GdL: conjugating idiocy
How do you tell the difference between a dead one and a live one? -GdL: Why would you want to waste your time?
Hide the women folk and children…STEVIE’s back!!!!
My friend, Mr. K… just wants to do despicable things to little innocents. -GdL: Does that make him a bad man?
The experiments I want to do are all illegal. (from El Colmao) -GdL: I thought all was fair in love and war?
So what? Lots of things are against the law…but they’re good. GdL: Try ’em. You’ll like ’em.
I may be mistaken but I think that in most ur-civilized places, the things you like are against the law.
To marry is the end of philosophy. To marry badly would be the end of you.
I was thinking of holding the elevator for you but…I know you wouldn’t have done the same for me. -GdL: You know the vaca-clown-sows, my man, they don’t understand the concept of civility, reciprocity or doors.
You look like a fucken god, my man! You look like a fucken god! GdL: just a trick of my mirror. great mirror.
That’s what I like about so and so, she sees the paraplegic going the wrong way and she laughs.
I have a problem with parking spaces set aside for the crips… I thought they wanted access and acceptance….didn’t realize they meant privilege.
Let’s set up an unholy cabal…first, let’s trade identity cards/ identities. -GdL: getting serious about soul swapping
I swapped souls with a creature ancient and cold blooded. What does that make me? -GdL: here (right here in my heart) there be monsters.
Connoisseurs of STD’s? –talking romeo, giovanni, juan, lothario, lover-boys who keep score.
I live and suffer in the cult of the loud. luckily, i’m half deaf on my right side…that only leaves the wrong side…que no?
That’s the way it is: you start out your life and they lie to you…you end up your life and they lie about you.
I don’t care who’s been invited! That’s not a party I want to go to. GdL: I’d rather be Bin Laden than “been invited”. Does that make me a misanthrope or just a bad Arab?
Do I contradict myself? / Very well, then I contradict myself. / I am large. I contain multitudes. -Walt Whitman Song of Myself
Nothing human is alien to me. -Karl Marx
A thing is not necessarily true because badly uttered, nor false because magnificently spoken. -St Augustine
A fool can tell the truth but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well. -Samuel Butler
Sin has many tools but a lie is a handle that fits them all. -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr
A big lie is more plausible than the truth. -Ernest Hemingway
A liar needs a good memory. -Quintilian
There is nothing so pathetic as a forgetful liar. -FM Knowles
Out of little shit, BIG shit grows.
Pick ’em and flick ’em, my man…Don’t eat ’em. -a booger admonition
You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends but you shouldn’t pick your friends’ nose.
Did you say there was a bug on you?????
Bang, Bang Selena……number one with a bullet.
What’s a good time for a drive-by???? See you then.
Tell those little Hitlers, I am on my way with my friend, Major Attitude. And they won’t like it.
Don’t underwhelm me with your demonstrations of adulation. -useful when the response is less than adequate.
If you’re willing to do the time, (go ahead and) do the crime.
Them’s then, now is now.
All my heroes are outlaws. –Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson song
Money stays around a lot longer when you don’t have someone to spend it for you.
Yes, the mice do run when el gato is around……that’s their nature.
You snooze, You lose.
You can’t always get what you want / but / if you try (sometimes) you get what you need. -Thanks to the Rolling Stones
She’s the perfect combination of ambition and ignorance under pressure.
I guess that kind of behavior passes for good manners where you’re from.
All men are born guilty and will never be proven innocent. -La Feminista Rabiosa’s version of original sin
God sent the blight, but the British brought the famine. -Irish dicho
He who makes a beast of himself rids himself of the pain of being a man. –Samuel Johnson per Hunter Thompson
Gender.. one of the lowest common denominators. Beaten out for that distinction by humanity.
Some people are too stupid to live..But they live. What is that about? Survival of the weak and unfit! -GdL in response to theories of intellectual evolution
Sometimes if you’re arrogant you must act humble. Or If you’re not humble, you should act humble.
Humility makes me laugh. -GdL
Let me give you the short version of civilization: NO! What part of NO did you not understand? and just to warn ya…civilization has ways to make you understand.
Be careful what you think. They are listening.
and if my thought dreams could be seen…they’d probably put my head in a guillotine. – Bob Dylan, It’s all right, ma (i’m only bleeding)
Life?………..Just another crack deal gone bad.
The answer to almost any set of questions: No. No. And I’m glad you asked.
You can forget about going home for X-y-No Mas. You won’t get nothing after I’m through tellin’ folks the things you’ve been saying about them. I’ll think ’em up as I go along.
A married man with a family will do anything for money. -Charles de Talleyrand
A fanatic is one who sticks to his guns whether they’re loaded or not. -Franklin P. Jones
Reactionary concepts plus revolutionary emotion result in fascist mentality. -Wilhelm Reich
If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others. -Duc de La Rouchefoucauld
A man’s defects are the faults of his time while his virtues are his own. -Goethe
Rare is the man who can weigh the faults of others without putting his thumb on the scales. -Duc de La Rouchefoucauld
I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell… you see, I have friends in both places. -Mark Twain
Friendship among women is only a suspension of hostilities. -Comte de Rivarol
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead. -Chinese Dicho
Nine tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth. -Horace Walpole
Some people have a large circle of friends while others have only friends they like. -Horace Walpole
One’s friends are that part of the human race with which one can be human. -George Santayana
The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart softer than your head. -George Santayana
He’s a fine friend. He stabs you in the front. -Leonard Louis Levinson
If we were all given by magic the power to read each other’s thoughts, I suppose the first effect would be to dissolve all friendships. -Bertrand Russell
If we all said to people’s faces what we say behind one another’s backs, society would be impossible. -Honore de Balzac
Against a foe I can defend myself…but god protect me from a blundering friend. -D’Arcy Thompson
He’s his own worst enemy. GdL: Not while I’m around.
What were once vices are now habits. -progress?
I need a new drug.
You must be on drugs! -GdL: explains everything.
Reality….wow, for people who can’t handle drugs.
Never trust a nation that doesn’t get high.
Dope will get you through times of no money..better than money will get you through times of no dope. –the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers (Gilbert Shelton)
Art holds a mirror to life…and if there are some lines of cocaine on that mirror, so much the better. -PJ O’Rourke
Baseball is not violent enough? Why is that? They got the bats….
There are very few things I will do for money. / There are many things I will not do for money / though I may do some of these same things for pleasure. -GdL on $ and its value.
I hope you don’t think this is about money????
It’s not money I’m after, little girls. –villain in 70’s B-girl film Ginger
Don’t be nice to them…They’ll only be disappointed when they meet me.
Free your ass and your mind will follow. –George Clinton
When elbows speak, I’ll have a lot to say.
(5 29 2018…1101am)