NON-VIRTUES OF WORK DICHOS…section of the MalDichos and other MadDichos for a Troubled World

workaholics, wage & mind slaves, “friends” of the bosses, traitors to our class will find these offensive… too fucken bad.  when we turn these blood suckers & capataz’s out, you can go with them

 

Do nothing and nothing is left undone.  -Taoist dicho

Take long, do it wrong then cop an attitude.  -D’s work dicho

They can’t fire me.  Slaves have to be sold. – Jeff Johnson

When it won’t go away, it’s a tar baby file.  You don’t want a tar baby file.                           –Jeff and GdL’s words of bureaucratic wisdom

Supervisor:  Are you busy?  Employee: Busy as a one legged man in a kicking contest.

Get out of harm’s way…you wouldn’t want to do any work.

It’s just like a plan.  Next best thing to a plan.                                                                                  GdL:  Considering management’s “work plan”

The day has started out okay…But could veer out of control at any moment.

Work?  An interruption in me doin’ nothin’.

If there’s no rush…..Why are you doing it now.

And then there’s those evil muthers who have nothing to do.  -thanks to Lou Reed’s Rock&Roll Music

I’m a very good worker……..for all the wrong reasons.

Morale is not the problem….it’s the symptom.

The only way to deal with work is to turn it into play.

HI, HO, HI, HO/ I owe, I owe / so off to work I go.

 I don’t make it, you don’t make it.   GdL: getting serious about job security

It’s hard to find time for (doing) things even when you’re not doing anything!!??

i would rather be behind in my work than work overtime.                                                GdL:  no sense getting all worked up over it.

I can’t leave early if I work overtime, can I?   GdL:  Someone with a grasp of basics

Nothing I do is my fault.

Nothing is.   Sun Ra

 Why is the Mafia so successful??  They’re not just a business  They’re a family.

You got to speak up. I’m hard of understanding.

A bureaucrat’s lament:  I don’t care if you lie to me as long as you use the right effen form.

 Being a bureaucrat is one of the oldest civilized occupations.

 Always mistrust a subordinate who never finds fault with his superior.

Never trust an underling who doesn’t smell the pedos because their nose is up their boss’s culo.

The rules may change, but the people stay the same.                                                            GdL:  Ain’t nothing changed.

Life may not be fair…but we can be fair.-  the gentle side of Jeff J.

The test of a vocation is the love of the drudgery it involves.    -LP Smith

 Anyone who is practically acquainted with scientific work is aware of the fact that those who refuse to go beyond fact rarely get as far as fact.   -T.H. Huxley

Supervisor to employee: She (the client) says there’s something wrong with your phone?Employee: Yes…shit’s hard time picking it up.

One chops wood, the other does the grunting.   -Yiddish dicho

A modern credo: I want instant and total gratification without any expenditure of energy on my  part.

What is with this cult of the busy life?  As if the busy life were the good life………to me the lazy life is the good life.

I think that there is nothing, not even crime, more opposed to beauty, to philosophy, ay, to life itself than this incessant business.   -Henry David Thoreau                                                      GdL:  and that’s that brother Henry hardly did anything.

Why this strange disease of modern life with its brisk hurry and divided aims?                   -Mathew Arnold

No man who is in a hurry is quite civilized.    -Will and Ariel Durant

They always talk about teamwork?  Their idea of teamwork is you do whatever the fuck they tell you to.                                                                                                                                    GdL:   Fuck it and fuck them……I don’t like them and I don’t want to be on their fucken team.

Am I a disgruntled employee?  Do I have my double ought eighty with me this morning?   Let me check.  I’ll be right back.

GdL:  Hope you’re not on their list.  and yes  i know.  i know.  i know…i need to upgrade my weaponry.

They pretend to pay us and we pretend to work.  -Russian worker dicho near end of USSR

Management by objectives works fine if you know the objectives.  Most  of the time they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about and expect to tell us “what” to do?

The only things that evolve by themselves in an organization are disorder, friction, mal-performance, corruption, non responsiveness and hostility.  -Peter Drucker                          GdL: nice list

When you can’t think of nothing better to do, do nothing.  Works every time.

Is half ass better than no ass???

I always thought it would be easier to redeem a man steeped in vice and crime than a greedy, narrow minded, pitiless merchant.   -Albert Camus

Nobody talks more of free enterprise and competition and of the best man winning than the man who inherited his father=s store or farm.  -C Wright Mills

Labor in a white skin cannot be free as long as labor in a black skin is branded.                  -Karl Marx

Jobs ain’t the problem.  When we got here, we all had jobs.  -Fred Hampton, Chicago Black Panther Party leader

The new better could be much worse than the old before.  -government employee axiom.   never knew quite what that meant.

There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate:  when he can=t afford it and when he can.  -Mark Twain

A business without a sign is a sign of no business.  -on side of van for sign business.

An executive is someone who is always annoying the hired help by asking them to do something.  GdL:  Usually what they don’t feel like doing just yet.

Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you’re too old to get the job.                    -Aldous Huxley

I don’t meet competition, I crush it.  -Charles Revson

Private enterprise is ceasing to be free enterprise.  -Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Private enterprise makes okay private action which would be considered dishonest in public action.  –John Kennedy                GdL:  Talkin’ Enron or Chase?

Be nice to people on the way up because you will meet them (again) on the way down.

Nothing like an ailment to make you appreciate how much you have in common with your co-workers.  Everybody has an ailment story to tell.  “You want to tell me about your ailment?  Let me tell you about my ailment.”

Them that can, do.  Them that can’t, manage.

Them that can, do…them that can’t, teach.

Them that can, do…them that can’t bitch.

A different set of problems…getting someone else to do something, anything .  It’s difficult enough to get yourself to do something…imagine how difficult it would be to get someone else to do something.

Good enough for government work.                                                                                                     GdL:  Yes, yes, yes, after all we’re not making mayonnaise

When it comes to government, efficiency is not a concern.

Hell, we’re in the “business” of giving the public’s money away.  No effen way you can’t get giving $ away right.  and we’re never late:  any time you receive $ is the right time.

Proper response to request for appointment:  How about never?  Is never a good time for you.  GdL:  works for me.

The nail that sticks out gets hammered.   -Japanese dicho

When you have a big hammer, all your problems start to look like nails.

……Phrases we wish we could say at work:

 

Ahhh…I see the fuck up fairy has visited us again.

How about never?  Is never a good time for you

I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

I’m out of my mind but feel free to leave a message.

I don’t actually do something…I’m a consultant.

I don’t actually work here…I’m a supervisor.

It sounds like English but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

I can see your point but still think you’re full of shit.

I like you.  You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision…I just don’t give a damn.

I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.                                                                 GdL:  is this the part where we get to test out the blowtorch?

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Thank you, we’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is pure coincidental.

Any connection between your reality and mine is (I assure you) purely coincidental.

Any connection between your reality and mine is completely without meaning.

What am I?  Flypaper for freaks?  Chopped liver?

I’m not rude.  you’re just insignificant.

It’s a thankless job but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn off.

Can you help me?  No, my powers can only be used for good.

You sound almost rational…time to jack up the medication.

Do I look like an effen “people” person to you?

This is not an office.  It’s burnt out shell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

Whatever kind of look you were going for…you missed.

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