the Maldichos y Otros MadDichos for a Troubled World—-at the gates of hell section (intro)

**** WARNING to folks who have faint hearts, are offended by words, thoughts, sentiments that may be regarded as sarcastic, cynical, pernicious, insulting, sacrilegious, misogynous, offensive in any manner….STOP.  DON’T CONTINUE TO READ.   exclude yourself, save your pitiful soul, don’t risk perdition and the lake of fire for eternity…stay back…don’t come any closer…you’ve been warned.

technically & “artistically”, i consider this a work in progress.  this work is the original impetus for setting up this wordpress site.  my intention is to gift this to the beloved and all co-thinkers who consider themselves part of Babeuf’s Conspiracy of Equals.  hopefully, you will see it as a resource.  i started collecting these in the late 80’s, early 90’s…some i would make up, friends w’d give them to me after they knew i was working on this project.   often, i w’d alter known dixos.  tried to give credit though many dichos/ sayings/ proverbs are mis-attributed…often they are re statements of old dichos.  i will return now & then to clean up the punctuation, etc.  i hope to post these in sections as i correct the punctuation, spelling, format…









I am holding out for a better World, but I am not holding my breath.-  i attribute this one to myself.

This is the world, muchachos………..This is the real world and YOU are in it.                       –B Traven,  The Treasure of Sierra Madre GdL:  Pobrecitos

What should be is a dirty Lie.   – Lenny Bruce

Badges???   Badges???  We don’t need no stinken’ badges!!!!—Treasure of Sierra Madre

This world is the best of all possible worlds and everything in it is a necessary evil.         -thanks to Voltaire’s Candide

take away the right to say “fuck” and you take away the right to say fuck the government.  —Lenny Bruce

No matter where you go…there you are.  i can’t get away from myself…it’s frightening.         thanx to Severn Darden,  a member of Second City in the 1960’s.

How can we miss you when you won’t go away???

Rancheritos…ya no estamos en el rancho grande…estamos en la ciudad…desgraciados. y no se rajen malditos, hijos de la chingada madre.

Quieres hablar Espanol o Mexicano?  Nomas di “Chinga la madre” antes y al fin de todas palabras.

Danny Kaye:  Louis, Are you the best trumpeter in the world?                                                                           Louis A:  If he ain’t Gabriel, he’s in trouble.

A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.                                                                  -Miguel de Cervantes

Experience is the comb that nature gives us when we are bald.   -Belgian dicho

All rumors and stereotypes are true.  All that’s necessary is for us to believe them.                    GdL:  ‘nough said.  Say no more, I’m a believer…where do i stand?

It is not my mode of thought that has caused my misfortunes but the mode of thought of others.   -Marquis de Sade

I don’t have an attitude problem….It’s the rest of the world that has a problem.

 Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

There’s less here than meets the eye.   -thanks to Dorothy Parker

When you get there, there’s no there there.                                                                                           GdL: Originally said about Oakland but applicable to many urban geographies.

Things ain’t what they used to be.   -Duke Ellington song title

The future ain’t what it use to be.                                                                                                    -GdL: I can see the past clearly.

Forget (Is that the right word?) the future.  Predict the past.  Always a sure prediction.    GdL:  Hell, the Gospel’s taught Nostradamus that old trick.

What have they done for you, lately, my man?                                                                                          GdL:  That most assuredly is the “eternal” question.

What have you done for moi?  Lately?  Ever?                                                                             -GdL: A little French always impresses

There’s nothing sadder than an old hipster.   -Lenny Bruce

Nothing sadder than yesterday’s Cinderella.

If you followed my advice, you would never get anything right.

There is no fool like an old fool.  -John Lily (1554-1606)

There is no fool like an old fool…you can’t beat experience.  –Jacob Braude

A fool and his money are soon parted.

No one ever went broke over estimating the stupidity of the American people.                    –P.T. Barnum

No matter how low you go, there’s always the gutter.

Been down so long it looks like up to me.  –title of Richard Farina’s novel

Your cash ain’t nothing but trash.  –The Clovers, R&B song from the 1950’s

Today is a good day to die.   –Crazy Horse at the Battle of Little Big Horn

Well, you needn’t.   –Thelonious Monk

Central tendency (the average) is an abstraction.  Variation is the reality.                           –SJ Gould Full House

We don’t have a problem.  We need a plan.    –Timothy Leary to Ram Dass (when he was still Richard Allport)

What you don’t know will not hurt you as much as what you do know…especially when you know better.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Never kick a man unless he’s already down.                                                                                   GdL:  Much safer that way.

If you need to shoot a man (or woman) dead…the back of the head is the safest approach to the target.                                                                                                                                            GdL:  Lessons in murder ?  Sure, taken from Billy the Kid and brother Jesse James.

Quien quiere tacos de sesos Colosio, estilo Tijuana?                                                                       -Colosio was the PRI candidate for prez who was assassinated in Tijuana.  1994

Society attacks early …when an individual is helpless.  -BF Skinner

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.   -Oscar Wilde

The foolish and the dead alone never change their opinions.   -James Russell Lowell

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.  -Ralph Waldo Emerson

The only completely consistent people are dead.  -Aldous Huxley                                                        GdL:  me?  i embrace my contradictions.

The past bears down upon the brain of the living like a mountain.  -Leon Trotsky              GdL:  And it’s heavy…….too!!

Facts do not cease to exist simply because they are ignored.  -Aldous Huxley

For every culture, there are myriad underground counter-cultures.  –T Monk

Se habla espanol:  que chingado quieres.

Take stock in your garden.

She’s like a flower…..surrounded by dirt.

Innocence implies the sinister…is that Mr. Yin or Ms Yang?

I had my hopes up high.  -The idealist’s lament

If you got good money, YOU got good luck

A miracle is an event described by those to whom it was told by them who did not see it.   GdL: Are we talking the “gospel” truth?

To give an accurate and exhaustive account of that period would take a pen far less brilliant than mine.  -Max Beerbohm

If this river was whiskey, I would dive right in…get drunker than Jesus.                                 -Blues song not about any river we know

Prepare for the worst.  Hope for the best.

Some folks believe that a bird in the bush is worth two in the hand.                                               GdL:  On second thought, a bird in the hand can be finger licking good.

Did the Buddha say?                                                                                                                                             I see you therefore I never existed????                                                                                             Desire causes suffering and there is never an end to desire.                                       –   i have a whole section entitled Did the Buddha say?…if i find it, i’ll post it.

Stagalee said to Beelzebub: There’s some BAD, BAD business goin’ on…

All stereotypes are true.

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

When in doubt, jump out.

Anything you say, can and will be used against you.                                                              -GdL: Proper cautionary wisdom when conversing with those “in authority” looking for reasons to punish you…and they’re always looking for reasons to punish you.

No further punishment is necessary.                                                                                          GdL: Aw, com’on…give it another shot.  You can do it.  We know you…only too well.

Was that a yelp of psychic pain or are you just scared to see me?

What is to be done?-  V. Ulyanov/Lenin

That way lies madness.                                                                                                                     GdL:  Was the question which way shall we go?

The more money you got, the more trouble you can buy.  -GdL: A buyer’s market.

If my thought dreams could be seen, they would probably put my head in a guillotine.     –Bob Dylan, It’s all right, Ma, I’m only bleeding

What did you think and when did you think it?                                                                         GdL:  More questions from the thought police

On linear logic: That’s just like mind jail…one point following another.    None dare deviate….one point follows another.

The really fascinating questions are the ones that have no answers.

The really fascinating questions are the ones with many answers.

The theory of specific idealogy–a single cause for any and all phenomenon.                      -You have doubts?

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.                                         -B.F. Skinner

What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child.    -GB Shaw

I’ve over-educated myself in all the things I shouldn’t have known at all.                                -Noel Coward                 Gdl: What did he mean?

Best way to deal with sharks???   Get the fuck out of the water!

You can lead a fool to knowledge but you cannot make him think.

Don’t look back.  SOMETHING may be gaining on you.   –Satchel Paige, baseball pitcher in Negro Leagues & MLB

Casey Stengel on Moose Skowron (1st baseman for the NY Yankees):  He was a sarcastic hitter…He looked left but hit right.

Let’s roll dice for his soul.                                                                                                                           -god’s having fun with man’s fate.  Examples:  The Iliad, The Mahabarat, book of Job.

Lady to Winston Churchill:  If you were my husband, I would put poison in your tea.                  W.C.’s response :  Lady….if you were my wife, I would drink it.

I have certainly known more men destroyed by the desire to have a wife and child and to keep them in comfort than I have seen destroyed by drink and harlots.  -WB Yeats

A good family is one that used to be better.       -Cleveland Armory

Why pay good money to have your family tree traced?  Go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.  -Mark Twain

Ain’t nothing, no one can do to you that’s worse than the shit you do to yourself.

True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it is lost.             -Charles C. Colton

Stop too long, and they cover you with rocks.  –Edward Abbey

To my extreme mortification, I grow wiser every day.     -Lord Byron

Why am i so pretty?—F. Nietzche Human, all too Human

Let’s watch some music on MTV.

If other people are going to talk, conversation becomes impossible.  -James M Whistler

The answers to almost any set of questions:  No.  No.  And, I’m glad you asked.

I don’t mind breaking the law…I just don’t want to get caught.                                                               GdL:  not a man of the Torah?

I live therefore I live.                                                                                                                                   GdL:  I, the monster.

You live therefore I live.  -the monster within

Evil is whatever is not in my interest.  Good is whatever is in my interest.                                      GdL: i’m ready to demonize everything.

Come for your inheritance and you may have to pay for the funeral.                                                 -Yiddish proverb

Se habla espanol…..que chingado quieres.  -customer service en espanol?

The more we love our friends, the less we flatter them.  -Moliere                                                    GdL:  i have the opposite approach.  don’t hurt folks with the truth.

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.  -Samuel Butler

She is such a good friend that she would happily throw all her acquaintances into the river for the pleasure of fishing them out.  -Talleyrand

Behind every great man is a woman with nothing to wear.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

The handwriting on the wall may be a forgery.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as much as you please.  -Mark Twain

Fact are born but statistics are more pliable.   -Mark Twain

To lawyers, all facts are created equal.  -thanks to Justice Felix Frankfurter

What do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his chin in sand?                    Answer:  Not enough sand.

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.                       -WC Fields on gratitude or lack thereof

What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?  -WC Fields

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, again.  Then quit.  There=s no use being a damn fool about it.    -WC Fields

We lived for days on nothing but food and water.   -WC Fields

One finger in the throat and one in the rectum make a good diagnostician.  -T Osler

Keep up the spirits of your patient with the music of the viol and the psaltery or by forgin’ letters telling of the death of his enemies,or if he be a cleric, inform him he has been made a bishop.  – Mondeville

Wherever a doctor cannot do good, he must be kept from doing harm.  -Heraclitus

A priest’s friend loses his faith, the doctor’s his health, the lawyer’s his fortune.                   -Dr Johnson

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.                                                        -GdL:  What does this say about us?

The handwriting on the walls may be forgery.   -R Hodgson

Traditionalists are pessimists about the future and optimists about the past.                         -Lewis Mumford

The middle of the road is where the white line is.  And that’s the worst place to drive.        -Robert Frost

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid.  But most stupid people are conservatives.          -John Stuart Mill

An old error is always more popular than a new truth.   -German proverb

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.  -H.L. Mencken                        GdL:  A manly man’s man but a villain to the vaca patas.

Better to be dumb and happy than intelligent and frustrated.

All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.   -John Gunther

There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern.     -Samuel Johnson

Many people are extremely happy but are totally effen worthless to society.                   -GdL:  Are we talking about the slaves to the vaca patas?  I know who they are.

He/she’s are un-encumbered by self awareness…and it’s okay.                                          GdL:  me?  i’m a mental hermaphrodite.

How many things are there which I do not want?   -Socrates

One of the indictments of civilization is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person.

the main thing needed to make men happy is intelligence.   -Bertrand Russell

All men kill the things they love, unless of course it kills them first.

I don’t like her.  But don’t misunderstand me…my dislike is purely platonic.                         -Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree

Hatred is the coward’s revenge for being intimidated.  -George Bernard Shaw

We have just enough religion to make us hate but not enough to make us love one another.   -Jonathan Swift

The world is a comedy to those who think…a tragedy to those who feel.  -Horace Walpole

The heart has its reasons which reason does not understand.  -Blaise Pascal

The head is always the dupe of the heart.  -Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Every hero becomes a bore at last.   -Ralph Waldo Emerson

We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.         -Wills Rogers

No man is a hero to his valet.    -GW Hegel

Jesse James shot children but only in fact not in folklore.   -John Greenway

One murder makes a villain, millions a hero.    -Bishop Beilby Porteus

A single death is a tragedy…a million deaths are a statistic. – Joseph Stalin

I would rather be a philosopher and a coward than a hero and a fool.   -Ambrose Pratt

A hero is no braver than the next person but he is braver five minutes longer.                     -Ralph Waldo Emerson

God cannot alter the past…but historians can.  -Samuel Butler

History is a set of lies agreed upon.   -Napoleon Bonaparte                                                 GdL:  sort of…

History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.   -Ambrose Bierce

History is a nightmare from which we are trying to awaken.  -James Joyce

the sleep of reason creates monsters.- Francisco Goya  los caprichos

History is mostly guessing…the rest is prejudice.   -Will and Ariel Durant.

There is properly no history…only autobiography.  -thanks to Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some are born good, some make good…and some are caught with the goods.                       -Thomas Jefferson

The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.  -Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in.  You get accused of things you never did and praised for virtues you never had.      -I.F. Stone

I would rather men asked why no statue has been erected in my honor…than why one has.   -Cato

Dignity does not consist in possessing honors but in deserving them.  -Aristotle

Hope springs eternal in a man’s breast.  -Alexander Pope                                                    GdL:  Self deception is always in style.

How deceitful hope may be, yet she carries us on pleasantly to the end of life.                      -Duc de La Rochefoucauld

I lie to myself all the time…the happiest moments of my life.

We hope vaguely but dread precisely.   -Paul Valery

Hope is the most treacherous of human fancies.   -James Fenimore Cooper

Hope is merely disappointment deferred

Cynicism is hope deferred.

Such is the human race…sometimes it does seem a pity that Noah didn’t miss the boat.       -Mark Twain

A humanitarian is always a hypocrite.  -George Orwell

The more humanity advances, the more it is degraded.  -Gustave Flaubert

No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature.         -A.A. Milne

It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil of man.  -Albert Einstein GdL:  Are we talking about god’s children?

There is no crime of which one cannot imagine oneself to be the author.   -Goethe          GdL:  been there…done that.

Yesterday’s problems are (guess what?) today’s problems.

If you can’t stand the heat, get the fuck out of the kitchen.  -the unedited version

So and so has “just one question to ask you”.                                                                            GdL: Tell ’em I’m fresh out of answers.

Nothing I want to hear from a child except “Thank you, sir, I’ve had enough to eat.”

Little children should be beaten, then eaten.

suggested to the Demon Santita that we curry the pet chicken.  NO, NO, NO…that would be like eating my own children.                                                                                                         —to which i replied You say that like it’s a bad thing.

(have a whole series of stories entitled the Compendium of the Demon Santita and how i survived to tell the tale.)

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